The sign, standing in the front yard of what once was a home but now is a doctor's office, usually proclaims, in its stuck-on black letters, the visit of a medical specialist, the day and time for a health class, some get-healthy tip or just blanket support for the local school's athletic teams.
For the past few weeks, however, it has told everyone driving past that "Life is what we make of it."
As inspirational messages go this one hardly merits a second glance. It is not clever, nor is it witty, nor does it offer some double meaning that takes the driver a few blocks to get. It seems simple enough and probably is something nearly everyone passing by has heard or read before.
But it is an outright, bald-faced lie.
It insinuates that we, the readers, have some control over life, our own and those of the people whose lives intersect with ours, either for a moment or for a significant part of their and our lives. Nothing could be further from the truth.
You may think you can control your own life, but remember that thought the next time your car breaks down for no explainable reason. Or the next time your get ill and can't figure out how that happened. Or the next time someone walks into your life and walks right back out of it. You have no control over your own life, so what gives anyone the false impression they can make life into something? Only signs like this one and those delusional self-help people who believe that we can be anything we want to be.
Don't misunderstand, much can be accomplished by those with a singular mindset and the drive and determination to stay with a project or plan and to never give up on themselves or the goal they seek. But for every one of those who succeed, there are many who toil on for an entire life with the same fortitude and determination and singularity of thought and never even made headway. Luck, fate, good fortune and the blessings of Almighty God play a larger role in this than most of us give credit.
You cannot control your own life and you most certainly cannot control others, though most of us would rather control others than control ourselves. You cannot, for instance, make someone love you. You can love them without condition or reservation, wholly and completely and do so with honesty, openness and sincerity, and they still might just walk away. You have no control over their reactions or the personal history that led them to you and, eventually, beyond you. You cannot control family members who, even though you love them, may make decisions that take them a continent or continents away from you, possibly into harm's way.
If these things happen you not only cannot control what happens to them, you cannot control how what happens to them will effect you. You are as much a prisoner of their lives and they are of yours. Because when you truly care for someone, they become so important to you that you feel their pain, you ache for them, you hurt for them, you still care for them, you worry about them, you think constantly of them. It doesn't matter that they no longer are directly part of your life, they remain a cog in your heart, turning and churning your emotions even from a distance.
So don't for a single second think you can control life and make what you want of it. As the great auto racer Jackie Stewart said, when asked what he recommended drivers do when involved in a spin (turn into the spin or turn away from it?), he said it was best just to sit back and enjoy the ride. That is the best we can do in life. That ride may at times be bumpy, at other times smooth, at times thrilling and exciting and at other times monotonous and boring, but it is wrong-headed and silly of us to think for a single moment that we have the wheel and the pedals. We are just passengers, along for the ride.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
TRY SOME SILENCE
Silence, the saying goes, is golden.
Never was that more true than in today's hectic, connect-at-all-costs world. We cannot take a step without one ear attached to a cell phone or iPod. We cannot seem to turn off the television, the computer or any of the other devices that assault our senses every second of the day. We are an ADHD nation, it seems, utterly addicted to the "now," as in "what might be going on now?" We simply have to know the latest dirt on everyone, the latest and freshest tidbit on neighbors and movie stars, family members and music makers. We simply have to know.
But we never seem to stop and ask ourselves why we need all of this mostly useless information, nor wonder if there is even a shred of accuracy in any of it.
Worse yet, we never seem to stop, shut it all away, and listen to the silence. We never seem to really stop and just think. Or not think.
This hyperactivity spills over to our conversations, if, indeed, people talking nonstop can be called a conversation. Not only do we seem to abhor silence, seeing it as void and empty instead of understanding its importance to thought, contemplation and understanding, but we also seem to be adverse to listening when we can just speak instead. For one person to talk, someone should be listening. But if one person does all of the talking and one does all of the listening, then you have a monologue, not a conversation. Conversation is the sharing of thoughts and ideas, with each person taking the time to listen as well as talk. And each considers thoughtfully what the other has said before responding. That happens all too seldom today as we rush to get our two cents into each and every exchange we encounter.
But we can change. We can put the brakes to this headlong rush into unlimited and untried information. We can stop for a second and just listen, take in what is being said and spend a minute or two thinking about it before responding. We also can take some time each and every day to sit in silence, in the quietest place we can find, to think, to consider, to ponder, to mull, to wonder, to question and just to shut out the hubub of noise and input and questionable information swirling about us at a frenetic pace all day, every day.
Try it and see if your head, and your thoughts, aren't a whole lot clearer as a result.
Never was that more true than in today's hectic, connect-at-all-costs world. We cannot take a step without one ear attached to a cell phone or iPod. We cannot seem to turn off the television, the computer or any of the other devices that assault our senses every second of the day. We are an ADHD nation, it seems, utterly addicted to the "now," as in "what might be going on now?" We simply have to know the latest dirt on everyone, the latest and freshest tidbit on neighbors and movie stars, family members and music makers. We simply have to know.
But we never seem to stop and ask ourselves why we need all of this mostly useless information, nor wonder if there is even a shred of accuracy in any of it.
Worse yet, we never seem to stop, shut it all away, and listen to the silence. We never seem to really stop and just think. Or not think.
This hyperactivity spills over to our conversations, if, indeed, people talking nonstop can be called a conversation. Not only do we seem to abhor silence, seeing it as void and empty instead of understanding its importance to thought, contemplation and understanding, but we also seem to be adverse to listening when we can just speak instead. For one person to talk, someone should be listening. But if one person does all of the talking and one does all of the listening, then you have a monologue, not a conversation. Conversation is the sharing of thoughts and ideas, with each person taking the time to listen as well as talk. And each considers thoughtfully what the other has said before responding. That happens all too seldom today as we rush to get our two cents into each and every exchange we encounter.
But we can change. We can put the brakes to this headlong rush into unlimited and untried information. We can stop for a second and just listen, take in what is being said and spend a minute or two thinking about it before responding. We also can take some time each and every day to sit in silence, in the quietest place we can find, to think, to consider, to ponder, to mull, to wonder, to question and just to shut out the hubub of noise and input and questionable information swirling about us at a frenetic pace all day, every day.
Try it and see if your head, and your thoughts, aren't a whole lot clearer as a result.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
BE BEAUTIFUL
You are beautiful.
Yes, you. You are beautiful. Just accept that, own that, believe that. Because it can make all the difference in your world.
You see, a person who believes they are beautiful is beautiful on the inside. And that brings out an inner glow in them that is unmistakable and unforgettable. And -- now here's the radical part -- once you truly believe you are beautiful you actually become beautiful.
On the other hand, if you walk around in a bad frame of mind -- grumpy, depressed and down all of the time -- then you can be Miss Universe on the outside and you will be increasingly ugly on the inside. And you will become even more ugly as you age. Just trust me on this. I knew a woman who was a true beauty when she was young -- I saw her high school senior photo -- but let her life turn ugly and then let the ugliness consume her through smoking, alcoholism, divorce and an ugly attitude until she was the exact opposite of that early photo.
It can be hard to defeat the ugliness life throws at us. I know another woman who has endured a lot of ugliness in her life, from the time she was a little child until now, as an adult, but wages a daily war against the stooges of bitterness, anger and hatred while also fighting the forces of depression. Because of that, she is able to retain a giving, loving heart and remains an incredible beauty because of the woman she is inside.
Life continues to throw some awful things her way, constantly testing her inner beauty. From time to time she suffers losses in this ongoing war, but she remains constant in her belief that she will not give in to the bitterness and anger that lap at her heels.
For that alone, she is brave, strong and beautiful.
So believe me when I tell you that you are beautiful. Because you are. And you will be even more beautiful the moment you embrace your inner and outer beauty.
Then you will shine like never before, radiating beauty to the entire world around you. And people will notice your beauty and be awed by it and by you.
Which is only the least that you deserve. After all, you ARE beautiful.
Yes, you. You are beautiful. Just accept that, own that, believe that. Because it can make all the difference in your world.
You see, a person who believes they are beautiful is beautiful on the inside. And that brings out an inner glow in them that is unmistakable and unforgettable. And -- now here's the radical part -- once you truly believe you are beautiful you actually become beautiful.
On the other hand, if you walk around in a bad frame of mind -- grumpy, depressed and down all of the time -- then you can be Miss Universe on the outside and you will be increasingly ugly on the inside. And you will become even more ugly as you age. Just trust me on this. I knew a woman who was a true beauty when she was young -- I saw her high school senior photo -- but let her life turn ugly and then let the ugliness consume her through smoking, alcoholism, divorce and an ugly attitude until she was the exact opposite of that early photo.
It can be hard to defeat the ugliness life throws at us. I know another woman who has endured a lot of ugliness in her life, from the time she was a little child until now, as an adult, but wages a daily war against the stooges of bitterness, anger and hatred while also fighting the forces of depression. Because of that, she is able to retain a giving, loving heart and remains an incredible beauty because of the woman she is inside.
Life continues to throw some awful things her way, constantly testing her inner beauty. From time to time she suffers losses in this ongoing war, but she remains constant in her belief that she will not give in to the bitterness and anger that lap at her heels.
For that alone, she is brave, strong and beautiful.
So believe me when I tell you that you are beautiful. Because you are. And you will be even more beautiful the moment you embrace your inner and outer beauty.
Then you will shine like never before, radiating beauty to the entire world around you. And people will notice your beauty and be awed by it and by you.
Which is only the least that you deserve. After all, you ARE beautiful.
Friday, January 6, 2012
EVERYONE HURTS
No one gets through life unscathed. Everyone gets hurt eventually.
We get rejected. We get ignored. We get ridiculed. We get beaten. We get our hearts broken.
And life insists we move on, that we cope, that we adapt, the we deal with it. And we do, more often than not, by closing ourselves off from people, by enclosing our fragile, still-hurting parts behind a wall of stone that no one will ever be allowed to penetrate. We learn to live by the Irish lesson: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
We swear in silent oaths to ourselves that we will never let that happen to us again, all while blaming ourselves for it happening in the first place. We should have seen it coming. We should have known better than to trust that person. We should have realized we just aren't worthy of love, of happiness, of the life we seek.
We look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder: What in the world could anyone see in me? Why would anyone in their right mind be attracted to me? Why wouldn't she reject a loser like me?
What we often fail to realize is that the other person is hurting too, that they also have suffered hurts that drive them to act as they do. Whether by intent or by instinct, they are trying to protect themselves from pain and anguish. They, too, feel unworthy, unwanted, unloved and unlovable. In fact, they may be rejecting you in a pre-emptive strike, certain that in time you will reject them if they stay. So they reject first so that they can avoid being rejected.
If only each of us could honestly share our heart's aches and longings, pains and sufferings, hopes and dreams, triumphs and tragedies, and know that what we share is kept in a sacred trust, never to be shared with anyone else, maybe we could avoid more rejection, more hurt, more suffering by us and others.
Each and every one of us has been hurt. Each of us is scared. Each of us is afraid to open ourselves to yet another rejection. Each and every one of us is capable of an amazing, deep and powerful love. We want to share that love with someone, the right someone.
To do so, however, requires us to let down our guard, to knock down our walls, to open our hearts up to another, to be willing to be hurt and rejected again.
It can be an awful lot to ask. But the reward is well worth the risk. And the potential rejection.
We get rejected. We get ignored. We get ridiculed. We get beaten. We get our hearts broken.
And life insists we move on, that we cope, that we adapt, the we deal with it. And we do, more often than not, by closing ourselves off from people, by enclosing our fragile, still-hurting parts behind a wall of stone that no one will ever be allowed to penetrate. We learn to live by the Irish lesson: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
We swear in silent oaths to ourselves that we will never let that happen to us again, all while blaming ourselves for it happening in the first place. We should have seen it coming. We should have known better than to trust that person. We should have realized we just aren't worthy of love, of happiness, of the life we seek.
We look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder: What in the world could anyone see in me? Why would anyone in their right mind be attracted to me? Why wouldn't she reject a loser like me?
What we often fail to realize is that the other person is hurting too, that they also have suffered hurts that drive them to act as they do. Whether by intent or by instinct, they are trying to protect themselves from pain and anguish. They, too, feel unworthy, unwanted, unloved and unlovable. In fact, they may be rejecting you in a pre-emptive strike, certain that in time you will reject them if they stay. So they reject first so that they can avoid being rejected.
If only each of us could honestly share our heart's aches and longings, pains and sufferings, hopes and dreams, triumphs and tragedies, and know that what we share is kept in a sacred trust, never to be shared with anyone else, maybe we could avoid more rejection, more hurt, more suffering by us and others.
Each and every one of us has been hurt. Each of us is scared. Each of us is afraid to open ourselves to yet another rejection. Each and every one of us is capable of an amazing, deep and powerful love. We want to share that love with someone, the right someone.
To do so, however, requires us to let down our guard, to knock down our walls, to open our hearts up to another, to be willing to be hurt and rejected again.
It can be an awful lot to ask. But the reward is well worth the risk. And the potential rejection.
Monday, January 2, 2012
LOVE IS A WELL
Love is a well that cannot be capped.
Once tapped, love flows from the heart until death, or until there remains no love in the heart.
But you cannot tap the love inside your heart. Nor can just anyone drill into the heart to make love flow. Your will cannot make love surge out of your heart for someone. Nor can just anyone come along and, like a wildcatter, make love burst from your heart like oil from a gushing well.
No, only the right person can make love come pouring out of your heart. And you will know this person because the very sight of them will make your heart beat faster, will make you long to be with them, will make their life and them the very center of your world. You will know by how empty and meaningless life is when then are not part of it, when they are absent or missing. You will know by how thoughts of them fill every empty moment of every day and how thoughts of them carry over into the dreams of the night. You will know by how you awaken every day to thoughts of them and fall asleep each night with prayers for and dreams of them.
You will know them because they are the answer to hundreds of spoken and unspoken prayers and the embodiment of a lifetime of dreams.
Still, the love you have for them remains trapped inside your heart until the day when they lower their drill, and their guard, and let you see that they, too, have feelings for you. For only by being vulnerable to each other, open to each other, trusting of each other can a heart truly be pierced so the love can flow.
When that happens you both are drenched in its warmth and swept away on the emotional wave. But you take that voyage together, hand in hand, until you reach the shore of a life that you will share.
Unfortunately, sometimes one person wants to sail onto this sea of love to find that life while the other does not. Because they are afraid -- to love, to be loved, to share love, to trust someone else for the rest of their life, or because they have been so hurt in the past that they cannot risk being hurt ever again.
That is when the love flows on and on, pouring out of your heart, but offering no solace, no comfort, no peace. Only the ache where the drill landed, where your heart was pierced, where, for a moment, dreams came to life and prayers were answered.
And where, now, there is only the constant gurgling of love, flowing out of your heart and into an empty, meaningless, bottomless-pit of a life.
Once tapped, love flows from the heart until death, or until there remains no love in the heart.
But you cannot tap the love inside your heart. Nor can just anyone drill into the heart to make love flow. Your will cannot make love surge out of your heart for someone. Nor can just anyone come along and, like a wildcatter, make love burst from your heart like oil from a gushing well.
No, only the right person can make love come pouring out of your heart. And you will know this person because the very sight of them will make your heart beat faster, will make you long to be with them, will make their life and them the very center of your world. You will know by how empty and meaningless life is when then are not part of it, when they are absent or missing. You will know by how thoughts of them fill every empty moment of every day and how thoughts of them carry over into the dreams of the night. You will know by how you awaken every day to thoughts of them and fall asleep each night with prayers for and dreams of them.
You will know them because they are the answer to hundreds of spoken and unspoken prayers and the embodiment of a lifetime of dreams.
Still, the love you have for them remains trapped inside your heart until the day when they lower their drill, and their guard, and let you see that they, too, have feelings for you. For only by being vulnerable to each other, open to each other, trusting of each other can a heart truly be pierced so the love can flow.
When that happens you both are drenched in its warmth and swept away on the emotional wave. But you take that voyage together, hand in hand, until you reach the shore of a life that you will share.
Unfortunately, sometimes one person wants to sail onto this sea of love to find that life while the other does not. Because they are afraid -- to love, to be loved, to share love, to trust someone else for the rest of their life, or because they have been so hurt in the past that they cannot risk being hurt ever again.
That is when the love flows on and on, pouring out of your heart, but offering no solace, no comfort, no peace. Only the ache where the drill landed, where your heart was pierced, where, for a moment, dreams came to life and prayers were answered.
And where, now, there is only the constant gurgling of love, flowing out of your heart and into an empty, meaningless, bottomless-pit of a life.
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