LEARNING TO TRUST

All of my life I have trusted God.
Whatever came at me in life, I just tried to give it my best and let God take care of the rest. I assumed my best was all God could or would ever want.
I was okay with that arrangement. I'd do my best at everything and God would take care of the rest. It helped, of course, that the answer or result of such things came fairly quickly. There was no waiting for weeks or months or even years on end for Him to act or decide. He gave me enough patience to wait for everything else.
All during this time, I was waiting for love. I just assumed it was out there, somewhere, in the form of the right woman and that I would meet her at the right time and from that point on we would both love each other the best we could and we'd let God take care of the rest. I had no reason to doubt this would happen.
Life is never that simple, nor that easy.
God brought love into my life and just as quickly took it away. I'm still trying to figure out why. Was it something I did? Didn't do? Was it just the wrong time? Or is there some other reason why this didn't work out? Or is this simply a delay in the final decision? I still don't know and the not knowing has shaken my trust in God.
You see, it took a series of miracles just to bring the two of us together. It took even more miracles to open us up to each other. And the final miracle -- love itself -- seemed to convince me that this was ordained to happen by Him (or Her, if you prefer). So when it all fell apart, I was left wondering what was the point. Why perform all of these miracles in the lives of two people just to separate them? That just doesn't make much sense to me.
I've been mentally wrestling with this quandary ever since she walked out of my life. The part of me that recognizes the miracles feels the need to step in and do something to get her back. The more logical side of me sees the folly in that since such actions most certainly would only serve to push her further away.
What this calls for is trust. I have to trust in God as I have never trusted before. That's because the answer, if one indeed is ever coming, is not bound to arrive anytime soon. No, this is going to take a long time if it is ever to happen. I have to put my trust in Him and go on with my meager existence (I cannot in good conscience call anything without her in it a "life"), hoping one day He will reveal His plans to me.
I realize we each have free will and that maybe this is her expression of that ability, rejecting me and us. But this, then, is my exercise of free will. I choose to trust in God and to wait, as long as it takes, to see if maybe time will bring her back to me. If not, then too bad for me. If not, then God wasted some pretty amazing miracles just to give two people a short shot at love.