GRIEVING THE LOSS

The death of a relationship is a lot like a death. You grieve it, miss it, long for it, cry about it, get angry over it's loss, come to grips with it and finally come to accept it, even though the loss and the ache will never go away.
There are some differences, however. For one, most people won't even know you had a relationship, let alone that is it over, so many will not understand why you are edgy, cranky, aloof and generally not yourself. Secondly, some people will not accept that men can or will grieve the loss of a relationship since this is territory most often reserved for women.
Men, we are told by movies, television, books, etc., from a young age, just love 'em and leave 'em and move on to the next one without a moment's remorse. I guess I didn't drink that Kool Aid because I have never done any of those things. All my life has been a search for that one true love, that singular relationship, that soulmate, that collaborator, that muse, that best friend, that one person for whom I was created. I have far too much respect for women to treat them as one-night stands or to lead anyone on, at least not on purpose. I'll admit, in my naive youth, I missed a lot of signals and hurt the feelings of a young woman or two, but never with any ill intent. And I felt badly that I hurt them unintentionally.
The other exception to the normal rules of grieving is that the other person in this lost relationship still lives. She's still out there, breathing, living and going on with her life too, albeit maybe with less loss and less anguish than what you are suffering since, afterall, we are assuming she ended it and not you.
That creates some issues for those grieving. Do you live on in the hope one day she will realize what she lost and return to you? Do you live out the rest of your life as if trying to prove to her what a prize she missed out on? Do you try to reconnect with her, or do you just let her go? Do you stay near her in the hope she might see you again or do you move as far away as possible so that you never are reminded of that pain and loss?
And what, if you stay, do you do if chance brings you back together again, say, in a public place? Do you act as if you don't care, even when it is eating you alive inside? Or do you let her see how hurt, how lost, how empty your life is without her?
And does any of that really matter at all?
Because, after all, she ended this. Don't you think she probably did so because she wanted it over, that she really doesn't want a relationship with you? Don't you think all she wants is for you to go away, to disappear into the background of her life forever and ever? Don't you think that last thing she wants is to run into you?
This assumes, of course, that this woman actually did care for you at one time and may still want to remain friends with you. All bets are off if she, however, is one of those people who draws pleasure from torturing former lovers and cats, not necessarily in that order. Then you are risking more than just your heart and self-esteem when you tangle again with her.
If, however, she really did care at one time, she clearly does not feel that way anymore or the two of you would still be together. So you had best just get on with the grieving. Once the tears have dried and the acceptance begins to sink in, pick your heart up, put it back on your sleeve and step back out into the world.
Look again for love. It is out there, somewhere, waiting for you, looking for you. If it happens that the love looking for you is her, then time will bring her back to you. If not, then search on and never give up until love finds you.
All the same, realize it gets harder and harder to step back out there, to risk it all for love, with each loss, with each rejection. But it is worth the risk, even if you never do get to win.