While on my ride this morning, two young does ran out in front of my bike, each far enough away to be safe and yet close enough that I could hear their hooves on the pavement. They were beautiful to behold, amazing creatures. One of them was walking slowly across the road, apparently unaware of my somewhat silent approach, until I drew close when, startled, it ran off into the nearby field, nearly disappearing among the growing green plants.
It is not as though these old eyes have not seen deer before and yet every time I experience the closeness of nature and see its incredible beauty, I am struck with awe and thanks that such amazing creatures are on this earth and that I have been blessed with the opportunity to be near them.
I feel the same away about the woman I love. It does not matter how many days we've had together or all that we have shared or been through, I behold her anew each time I see her and am I struck awe and humbled greatly by her total beauty — interior and exterior. And I consider myself the most blessed man to have eyes that see and that my eyes get to see her. To hold her with my eyes is the greatest blessing bestowed on any man. She is the sight that lifts my spirits, enlivens my heart, brings light to my days. I rise each and every day with the hope that she is the first thing and person I will see. And I pray each night that she will be the last thing and person I see, and the only person I will ever touch.
I know that all of this sounds horribly hokey and syrupy. But it also is what my heart feels just knowing she is alive, in this world and a part of my life. Surely there are other people out there who share similar feelings about the woman they love. Surely I am not alone in this. Except in one way: I pray I, alone, will be the one to forever hold her with my eyes and my arms, all of the rest of my life.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A PRECIOUS GIFT
One of the most difficult things anyone can do is open themselves up to another person and be completely vulnerable. Most of us design elaborate emotional defenses to prevent this very thing from happening, defenses we have built and designed since childhood as a bulwark against the very first hurts we endured and all of those that have come since. For a person to lower those defenses, open their heart and mind to another and allow them entrance into their innermost thoughts, fears, worries, shortcomings, anxieties and injuries is often too scary.
Some men think, however, that women do this easily. That is because women often will share with another woman some thoughts, ideas, emotions, issues she would not share with a man. That's natural since, as women, they often have endured many of the same physical and emotional changes and demands and, if nothing else, have a common problem: us. Let's face it, most of us men have not shown interest in what goes on in the hearts and heads of women. Oh, some of us will feign interest in order to date, bed, wed a woman. But few, if any, males maintain a real interest in what a woman thinks, wants, knows, has lived through.
But they should. Because women are incredibly complex, deep, multi-faceted people with so much to tell us; things we should know about them, about how they see the world and how they see us.
That doesn't mean you find a woman, sit her down and just let her talk. That isn't how it works. She may want you to listen and ask questions based on what you hear, proving to her you truly are paying attention. Or she may prefer that you let her decide how much she wants you to know, so you must listen well. She'll know you were listening when you talk to her later about something she said.
Even if you do those things, however, it will take patience, kindness, gentleness, love, trust and an emotional bond to get her to open up her heart and the deepest of her thoughts and secrets to you. But show her patience, kindness, gentleness and love -- form that unbreakable emotional bond and trust -- and what she shares with you will be her most vulnerable self. This is a most precious gift, the greatest honor a woman can bestow on a man. Treasure it like the pearl of great price that it is. You will never, in all of your life, be given anything more valuable.
Some men think, however, that women do this easily. That is because women often will share with another woman some thoughts, ideas, emotions, issues she would not share with a man. That's natural since, as women, they often have endured many of the same physical and emotional changes and demands and, if nothing else, have a common problem: us. Let's face it, most of us men have not shown interest in what goes on in the hearts and heads of women. Oh, some of us will feign interest in order to date, bed, wed a woman. But few, if any, males maintain a real interest in what a woman thinks, wants, knows, has lived through.
But they should. Because women are incredibly complex, deep, multi-faceted people with so much to tell us; things we should know about them, about how they see the world and how they see us.
That doesn't mean you find a woman, sit her down and just let her talk. That isn't how it works. She may want you to listen and ask questions based on what you hear, proving to her you truly are paying attention. Or she may prefer that you let her decide how much she wants you to know, so you must listen well. She'll know you were listening when you talk to her later about something she said.
Even if you do those things, however, it will take patience, kindness, gentleness, love, trust and an emotional bond to get her to open up her heart and the deepest of her thoughts and secrets to you. But show her patience, kindness, gentleness and love -- form that unbreakable emotional bond and trust -- and what she shares with you will be her most vulnerable self. This is a most precious gift, the greatest honor a woman can bestow on a man. Treasure it like the pearl of great price that it is. You will never, in all of your life, be given anything more valuable.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
AN UNWANTED GIFT
You have a talent, a gift. It starts out raw, a little rough, but you work at it, polish it and hone it. In time you get pretty good at what you do. You're not the best in your chosen field but you aren't the worst either. You're average, but average, at least, is okay. Sure, you'd like to be the best, the very best, but your talent just doesn't reach that far. You've come to live with your averageness, to accept it as a fact. That never stops you from trying, from striving, from working hard. So sometimes you've had flashes of a little brilliance, a little shine, a little bit of what the best have every day.
Time, though, has a funny way of working against you. While you were honing your skills, trying to make the most of your average talent, the world was deciding it didn't need your kind. Heck, it didn't need people who knew what they were doing. It just wanted something fast, sloppy or not. Just fast. It didn't want to pay at all, let alone pay for quality. Just get it to me fast. And faster. And faster yet. Anyone who can get it to me fast is in. It doesn't matter if it is right, or good, or of decent quality. Just get it to me fast, and cheaply.
Suddenly all of that work you put into getting better, getting the most out of your talent, works against you. Your experience works against you. Because the world doesn't want to pay for talent or experience. The world doesn't want to pay at all. The world wants it free and fast. And to heck with it being good, right or of decent quality.
Where does this leave you? Among the great unwashed unwanted, on a list of people society no longer needs and surely doesn't want. You have no value in today's marketplace. Not because you can't do fast, but because you don't do sloppy or wrong. Not because you can't do it, but because you have done it for too long and no one wants to pay for your experience or even your average talents.
Why hire you when some kid off the street will do it for nothing? Why pay for you when they can get it for free? So what if the product isn't worth even that price? Heck, it didn't cost me anything, so why should I, the customer, care?
You never saw this coming because you grew up in a time when quality mattered and people made fun of the cheap, poorly made products from overseas lands. You were formed at a time when if you had a job to do, you did it well, gave it your very best. You came from a time when quality was more important than speed. Yes, if you could do quality quickly, you were more valuable, but quality got first dibs.
That is not the world we live in anymore. And that is a world where you are not wanted anymore. You're an anachronism, a dinosaur, a lost man from another world, another dimension.
And no one wants what you do anymore.
Time, though, has a funny way of working against you. While you were honing your skills, trying to make the most of your average talent, the world was deciding it didn't need your kind. Heck, it didn't need people who knew what they were doing. It just wanted something fast, sloppy or not. Just fast. It didn't want to pay at all, let alone pay for quality. Just get it to me fast. And faster. And faster yet. Anyone who can get it to me fast is in. It doesn't matter if it is right, or good, or of decent quality. Just get it to me fast, and cheaply.
Suddenly all of that work you put into getting better, getting the most out of your talent, works against you. Your experience works against you. Because the world doesn't want to pay for talent or experience. The world doesn't want to pay at all. The world wants it free and fast. And to heck with it being good, right or of decent quality.
Where does this leave you? Among the great unwashed unwanted, on a list of people society no longer needs and surely doesn't want. You have no value in today's marketplace. Not because you can't do fast, but because you don't do sloppy or wrong. Not because you can't do it, but because you have done it for too long and no one wants to pay for your experience or even your average talents.
Why hire you when some kid off the street will do it for nothing? Why pay for you when they can get it for free? So what if the product isn't worth even that price? Heck, it didn't cost me anything, so why should I, the customer, care?
You never saw this coming because you grew up in a time when quality mattered and people made fun of the cheap, poorly made products from overseas lands. You were formed at a time when if you had a job to do, you did it well, gave it your very best. You came from a time when quality was more important than speed. Yes, if you could do quality quickly, you were more valuable, but quality got first dibs.
That is not the world we live in anymore. And that is a world where you are not wanted anymore. You're an anachronism, a dinosaur, a lost man from another world, another dimension.
And no one wants what you do anymore.
Friday, June 10, 2011
ON TRUST
George Carlin once told a joke that went something like this: "Whenever you brake your car, your life is in your foot's hands." Like most Carlin jokes, he used language and its quirks and cliches to make us think. Technically, of course, he was right. When braking your car, you put all of your trust in your foot, and the brake pedal, linkage, brake lines, brake fluid, brake pads, brake discs and other parts of the car's braking system.
You are trusting a thing with your life.
I get that. Really I do. I trust my truck with my life every day. I ride a bicycle and I trust in it, my helmet and my instincts and experience to make sure I return in one piece. And I have been let down. A flat tire recently ended a ride just minutes after it started. And my truck recently failed to start, resulting in a big inconvenience and an expensive repair and tow bill. And I just had to take my bike into the shop because, well, some components had worn out and no longer were working properly. No longer could I trust them.
So why is it so much easier to trust things than it is to trust people? Do people let us down so much more than things do? Or is it just, like my bike, easier to understand and explain why a thing fails us but not people?
Not that I have not trusted people in the past. But when they let me down, when they betray that trust, I vow to never let that happen again. When I asked a girl out on a date and she literally sneered at me in disgust at the very idea of me having the nerve to even broach the subject, don't think I ever did that again. At least not with her. And when I told some personal worries or concerns to a co-worker only to find she'd let them be known to nearly everyone else, I didn't do that again either. I have grown to live by the Irish saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And I was not about to get fooled again, to paraphrase The Who.
But I still trust my truck, now that the starter has been repaired. And I got back on my bike, after repairing the flat tire. And I will get on it again, once these new repairs have been made. I will trust it, along with my helmet and all of the rest, with my very life. And yet I find it so very difficult to trust another person not with my life even, but just a small portion of who I am, what I am like, what I think, what I know, what makes up me.
It is so easy to build walls against the forays of others, against the attempts by people we know -- not complete strangers, but possible friends, lovers even -- to get inside and get closer. Because at one time or another, we let down our defenses, lowered the drawbridge, opened the gates and let people in, and they trashed the place. We've since cleaned up their mess, but we're not going to do that again.
And if we don't, we'll be safe. Removed, reserved, distant, cold, aloof, mysterious, quiet, unfriendly, but safe.
But if we can bring ourselves to trust a person again, as we come to trust a repaired vehicle, a fixed faucet, a contrite computer, we may just find something we've been missing for all of our lives, something far more precious than anything we've been working so hard to protect.
We might just find love. And not just any love, but the love of a lifetime. The soulmate. The only person put on earth just for us, and us just for them.
But first, we have to trust. Again.
You are trusting a thing with your life.
I get that. Really I do. I trust my truck with my life every day. I ride a bicycle and I trust in it, my helmet and my instincts and experience to make sure I return in one piece. And I have been let down. A flat tire recently ended a ride just minutes after it started. And my truck recently failed to start, resulting in a big inconvenience and an expensive repair and tow bill. And I just had to take my bike into the shop because, well, some components had worn out and no longer were working properly. No longer could I trust them.
So why is it so much easier to trust things than it is to trust people? Do people let us down so much more than things do? Or is it just, like my bike, easier to understand and explain why a thing fails us but not people?
Not that I have not trusted people in the past. But when they let me down, when they betray that trust, I vow to never let that happen again. When I asked a girl out on a date and she literally sneered at me in disgust at the very idea of me having the nerve to even broach the subject, don't think I ever did that again. At least not with her. And when I told some personal worries or concerns to a co-worker only to find she'd let them be known to nearly everyone else, I didn't do that again either. I have grown to live by the Irish saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And I was not about to get fooled again, to paraphrase The Who.
But I still trust my truck, now that the starter has been repaired. And I got back on my bike, after repairing the flat tire. And I will get on it again, once these new repairs have been made. I will trust it, along with my helmet and all of the rest, with my very life. And yet I find it so very difficult to trust another person not with my life even, but just a small portion of who I am, what I am like, what I think, what I know, what makes up me.
It is so easy to build walls against the forays of others, against the attempts by people we know -- not complete strangers, but possible friends, lovers even -- to get inside and get closer. Because at one time or another, we let down our defenses, lowered the drawbridge, opened the gates and let people in, and they trashed the place. We've since cleaned up their mess, but we're not going to do that again.
And if we don't, we'll be safe. Removed, reserved, distant, cold, aloof, mysterious, quiet, unfriendly, but safe.
But if we can bring ourselves to trust a person again, as we come to trust a repaired vehicle, a fixed faucet, a contrite computer, we may just find something we've been missing for all of our lives, something far more precious than anything we've been working so hard to protect.
We might just find love. And not just any love, but the love of a lifetime. The soulmate. The only person put on earth just for us, and us just for them.
But first, we have to trust. Again.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
TIME'S LESSONS
Time has a way of teaching us perspective. The longer we live, the better we appreciate time's passage and its significance. And the closer I edge toward the end of my life, the more I appreciate and cherish the time I have with those I love.
At the same time, however, time also has taught me to be willing to wait for the best things in life and to never hurry through the great moments and experiences I get to have and to share. Time shows me that savoring these experiences when they happen helps me to retain the memories more vividly than when I let everything rush past me. Waiting and delaying gratification is part of this, helping to make the experience and the memories more vivid.
But that sometimes leaves me in a quandary. I know better than to push it, to rush things, to force something to happen, no matter how badly I want it (and I want it now!). Anything worthwhile, especially something like love, is worth whatever I have to wait. But at the same time, I know my days are numbered and the number grows smaller with each passing day, so I want to have as much time as possible with the one I love. How can I deal with these two opposing forces?
With silence. With peace. With prayer. With trust.
If I give up control to a higher authority, to the Creator, then I put all of my trust in Him, in His plan, in His will for me. If I allow Him to guide me by listening to His voice speaking to me -- through instinct, through gut feelings, through that inner voice -- then I will know when to run, and when to wait, when to act and when to react, when to be patient and when to make something happen.
This sounds easy, but it is not, certainly not for someone who has waited so very long for the right person to finally come along. I often feel as though I already have paid the price of admission, as it were, and cannot understand why I now must wait in this waiting room, biding my time for what I already know I want more than anything else in this life, or the next. And it can be difficult to still my mind, heart and soul, to block the aching of the heart and the longing of the soul for the love I know is out there, waiting for me, just so I can hear His voice speaking to me.
But, if I want the relationship to last and to be right and to be the way I ultimately want it to be, then I must do these things, must listen to Him speaking to me in the silences and recognize what He wants me to do. And I must be willing to let time pass, if necessary, and wait a little longer to be with the one I love for the rest of my, and our, lives.
At the same time, however, time also has taught me to be willing to wait for the best things in life and to never hurry through the great moments and experiences I get to have and to share. Time shows me that savoring these experiences when they happen helps me to retain the memories more vividly than when I let everything rush past me. Waiting and delaying gratification is part of this, helping to make the experience and the memories more vivid.
But that sometimes leaves me in a quandary. I know better than to push it, to rush things, to force something to happen, no matter how badly I want it (and I want it now!). Anything worthwhile, especially something like love, is worth whatever I have to wait. But at the same time, I know my days are numbered and the number grows smaller with each passing day, so I want to have as much time as possible with the one I love. How can I deal with these two opposing forces?
With silence. With peace. With prayer. With trust.
If I give up control to a higher authority, to the Creator, then I put all of my trust in Him, in His plan, in His will for me. If I allow Him to guide me by listening to His voice speaking to me -- through instinct, through gut feelings, through that inner voice -- then I will know when to run, and when to wait, when to act and when to react, when to be patient and when to make something happen.
This sounds easy, but it is not, certainly not for someone who has waited so very long for the right person to finally come along. I often feel as though I already have paid the price of admission, as it were, and cannot understand why I now must wait in this waiting room, biding my time for what I already know I want more than anything else in this life, or the next. And it can be difficult to still my mind, heart and soul, to block the aching of the heart and the longing of the soul for the love I know is out there, waiting for me, just so I can hear His voice speaking to me.
But, if I want the relationship to last and to be right and to be the way I ultimately want it to be, then I must do these things, must listen to Him speaking to me in the silences and recognize what He wants me to do. And I must be willing to let time pass, if necessary, and wait a little longer to be with the one I love for the rest of my, and our, lives.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
THE TIME IS ALWAYS RIGHT
I have never been one to make a lot of plans for my life. Even though experience has taught me that making solid-concrete plans is folly, it was not a lesson I really needed to learn. I was not someone who lived by plans anyway. In fact, I often chuckled to myself at the extravagant and detailed plans some people made for themselves.
Instead, I have learned it is best to be flexible and ready for whatever life throws at you.
Like love.
Love, unlike some of the other gifts from the Creator, does not come to only the young, or the fit, or the intellectual, or the wise. Everyone gets their dose of love and their chance at love. Some recognize the gift when it arrives and cherish it while others, being either foolish or simply too naive, squander and/or abuse the gift until it is lost forever. Sometimes the recipient is too young -- emotionally, that is -- to recognize the importance and oneness of love. They think they can and will find love lurking around each and every corner. So they don't cherish the preciousness of love when they have it. And they live the remainder of their lives trying to find what they once had and can never have again.
By the same token, those older and wiser sometimes spurn love because they believe they are too old to love, or too old for love. Love is only for the young, they assume.
But love comes when the time is right. It is never too early and never too late. It is always right on time. Whether it arrives to a head full and thick with hair or one balding, whether it lands on a fresh heart aching to love or one that has beaten quicker before, it is on time and on schedule. It may not be convenient, or be what we had in mind for this time in our life, it doesn't matter. What matters is being open to love, to being loved and to loving another with all that we have, no matter if there are mere days, years or decades left to live.
Cherish the gift of love. Cherish the one you love. Cherish the love you share. Most of all, cherish the chance to love by opening your heart, mind, body and soul to another so that when the final bell does ring, you can say to yourself, "I may not have accomplished much in my time on earth, but for a while I loved someone with all that I am and all that I have. And that made my life worthwhile."
Instead, I have learned it is best to be flexible and ready for whatever life throws at you.
Like love.
Love, unlike some of the other gifts from the Creator, does not come to only the young, or the fit, or the intellectual, or the wise. Everyone gets their dose of love and their chance at love. Some recognize the gift when it arrives and cherish it while others, being either foolish or simply too naive, squander and/or abuse the gift until it is lost forever. Sometimes the recipient is too young -- emotionally, that is -- to recognize the importance and oneness of love. They think they can and will find love lurking around each and every corner. So they don't cherish the preciousness of love when they have it. And they live the remainder of their lives trying to find what they once had and can never have again.
By the same token, those older and wiser sometimes spurn love because they believe they are too old to love, or too old for love. Love is only for the young, they assume.
But love comes when the time is right. It is never too early and never too late. It is always right on time. Whether it arrives to a head full and thick with hair or one balding, whether it lands on a fresh heart aching to love or one that has beaten quicker before, it is on time and on schedule. It may not be convenient, or be what we had in mind for this time in our life, it doesn't matter. What matters is being open to love, to being loved and to loving another with all that we have, no matter if there are mere days, years or decades left to live.
Cherish the gift of love. Cherish the one you love. Cherish the love you share. Most of all, cherish the chance to love by opening your heart, mind, body and soul to another so that when the final bell does ring, you can say to yourself, "I may not have accomplished much in my time on earth, but for a while I loved someone with all that I am and all that I have. And that made my life worthwhile."
Monday, June 6, 2011
ON SEPARATION
When you truly love someone, the smallest gesture can hold great meaning. Just seeing the one you love after a long separation becomes akin to a papal audience. Not that she will act as if she is the pope, mind you, just that the chance once again to be with the one you love holds that kind of significance. And while no two people who love each other want to be separated, being apart is part of life. If you love her and respect her then you want what is best for her. And sometimes what is best for her -- heart, mind, soul and body -- is to do what she needs to do. For her health. For her sanity. For her mind and soul.
And is there any sweeter moment than the reuniting after such a separation? Can any other time compare with the second you see your love again? Does not your heart race at the sight of her, pound out of your chest as she draws near, and nearly explode when, once again, you can look into her eyes and hear her voice?
The heart, however, speaks in a language all of its own at such times, a language the tongue never will master. The heart can tell her what she means to you, how much you have missed her and how good it is to see her once again. But the words to convey such feelings elude the mouth. You will never be able to tell her with words what can best be told with a look, a touch, a kiss, a caress. So don't turn to words. Let her see, feel and sense just how much you love her and have missed her.
If you must speak at all, tell her that you love her and it is because of how much you love her that you know there are times when you must be parted. But that, in your heart, you never want her to be away from you, nor you from her.
I can't say if a woman wants to hear such things, but I do know my heart and mind want to speak them when I see my love again after any and every separation.
And is there any sweeter moment than the reuniting after such a separation? Can any other time compare with the second you see your love again? Does not your heart race at the sight of her, pound out of your chest as she draws near, and nearly explode when, once again, you can look into her eyes and hear her voice?
The heart, however, speaks in a language all of its own at such times, a language the tongue never will master. The heart can tell her what she means to you, how much you have missed her and how good it is to see her once again. But the words to convey such feelings elude the mouth. You will never be able to tell her with words what can best be told with a look, a touch, a kiss, a caress. So don't turn to words. Let her see, feel and sense just how much you love her and have missed her.
If you must speak at all, tell her that you love her and it is because of how much you love her that you know there are times when you must be parted. But that, in your heart, you never want her to be away from you, nor you from her.
I can't say if a woman wants to hear such things, but I do know my heart and mind want to speak them when I see my love again after any and every separation.
Friday, June 3, 2011
ABOUT WOMEN ....
My rototiller failed me at the most inopportune time -- just when I had rows upon rows of seedlings to plant and a garden that needed to be prepared for them. I took the balky, aged tiller to the local repair shop in the hope it can be coaxed into working again so I can plant my garden. As I waited for a service technician, two older men, working men more accustomed to outdoor labor than indoor education, began to speak about the spring's damp and often disastrous weather. Normally I would dismiss this as so much small talk, but one of them spoke with a depth of knowledge and understanding that belied his outward appearance. Clearly, he grasped much of what was causing the odd and inclement weather far better than many meteorologists. I was impressed and I learned much from him while waiting my turn in line.
Among the things that bother me are people who speak or write about what they do not know. They preach about politics, or sports, or education, or any topic without so much as a fundamental understanding of it. Unless you have inside knowledge or a sources you trust inside the government, then don't speak about what's going on there as if you have wisdom others should bow to. Unless you are inside the lockerroom and know what is happening with the players on a team, then don't write about what is wrong with the chemistry of a team. If you have no children in school, do not teach, are not connected with a school system or the challenges of education today, then don't pretend to understand what, if anything, is wrong with our educational system today and what needs to be done to fix it.
In simple terms, don't pretend to be an expert in something if, clearly, you are not.
So what gives me the right, I ask myself, to speak about women?
Nothing.
Nothing but a sincere belief that, in a male-dominated society women so often get the short end, so often are dismissed as frivolous or simple, or are ignored, or are not given the respect and admiration they are due. We men often say women are our "better half" but we seldom act that way. We call them "the little woman" in a nice but derogatory way. We tend to see women in parts -- body parts more often than not -- rather than see and accept each woman as a full and complete person, with personalities, ideas, thoughts, dreams, desires, wants, needs, facets, levels and depth we men too often ignore. And we often fail to see that women truly are the better half of us, of society, that women are amazing creatures who make this life and this world better simply by being in it.
Women are not perfect, but they are far closer to perfection than we men will ever be. Instead of recognizing and admiring that, we tend to be jealous of it or refuse to recognize it at all. And that is a shame. The reality of it often makes me ashamed to be a male.
I will never know what it is like to be a woman in this world. I will never be able to speak with authority about womanhood. But I can speak from a man's point of view about what women mean to me and what I think is wrong with how we men speak of and treat the women in our lives and in this world. And if that gets me thrown out of the macho-only club, then so be it. I never really wanted to be a member anyway.
Give me the company of a woman any day. I will be a better man for it.
Among the things that bother me are people who speak or write about what they do not know. They preach about politics, or sports, or education, or any topic without so much as a fundamental understanding of it. Unless you have inside knowledge or a sources you trust inside the government, then don't speak about what's going on there as if you have wisdom others should bow to. Unless you are inside the lockerroom and know what is happening with the players on a team, then don't write about what is wrong with the chemistry of a team. If you have no children in school, do not teach, are not connected with a school system or the challenges of education today, then don't pretend to understand what, if anything, is wrong with our educational system today and what needs to be done to fix it.
In simple terms, don't pretend to be an expert in something if, clearly, you are not.
So what gives me the right, I ask myself, to speak about women?
Nothing.
Nothing but a sincere belief that, in a male-dominated society women so often get the short end, so often are dismissed as frivolous or simple, or are ignored, or are not given the respect and admiration they are due. We men often say women are our "better half" but we seldom act that way. We call them "the little woman" in a nice but derogatory way. We tend to see women in parts -- body parts more often than not -- rather than see and accept each woman as a full and complete person, with personalities, ideas, thoughts, dreams, desires, wants, needs, facets, levels and depth we men too often ignore. And we often fail to see that women truly are the better half of us, of society, that women are amazing creatures who make this life and this world better simply by being in it.
Women are not perfect, but they are far closer to perfection than we men will ever be. Instead of recognizing and admiring that, we tend to be jealous of it or refuse to recognize it at all. And that is a shame. The reality of it often makes me ashamed to be a male.
I will never know what it is like to be a woman in this world. I will never be able to speak with authority about womanhood. But I can speak from a man's point of view about what women mean to me and what I think is wrong with how we men speak of and treat the women in our lives and in this world. And if that gets me thrown out of the macho-only club, then so be it. I never really wanted to be a member anyway.
Give me the company of a woman any day. I will be a better man for it.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
A PREDICTABLE LIFE
In every life there comes a time when you feel you are standing on the top of a mountain, looking down on a plain below. And that plain stretches out to the horizon and beyond, as far as your eyes will ever see. Life, from that point on, will be predictable and consistent. There may be some small highs and lows, but for the most part it will go on and on, for the rest of the your life, in a predictable, unchanging way. Sure there will be changes, small changes, but nothing horribly or terribly dramatic. People in your life today will grow old and some will die. Things in your life today will get used up and discarded and replaced. But your life, your lifestyle, essentially will never change. Once you have reached the top of that mountain you've been climbing -- the peak could be a career pinnacle, or finally marrying the woman of your dreams, having the family you always wanted, finally completing a marathon, etc. -- there is nothing left but the flat, uninspiring plain below.
And you know it. In your heart and mind, you know it.
For some people, that is reassuring. They like knowing life will be predictable and consistent for the rest of their days. For others, though, the thought of a life so predictable, so laid out in front of them, is suffocating, depressing and more frightening than any change life might throw their way. They want the challenges and difficulties ahead to be more than just the occasional worn-out washer and dryer, or a truck that finally gives up the ghost and no longer will start, or a pet that dies of old age. They want life to have some excitement, some trials and tribulations, some peaks and valleys along their route. And they don't want to be able to see their future laid out in front of them, with no chance to turn off and discover something new in themselves, in others, in the world they inhabit.
And if the chance arrives for them to jump off this flattened path, to choose a different road, one filled with mountains and valleys and hills and curves, they will gladly take it. They don't want to know everything that lies ahead, they embrace the unknown and the unexpected.
For if that chance does not arrive, or that road turns out to be a dead end and they must turn back, there is no life for them on that plain, on that flat, even road from here to their death. That is no life at all, but mere existence for existence's sake. And who among us wants to reach old age just to prove he/she can do it? Where is the fun in that?
So, from where you stand today, what do you see ahead? More mountains to climb and valleys to explore, or mile after flat and boring mile of plain?
And you know it. In your heart and mind, you know it.
For some people, that is reassuring. They like knowing life will be predictable and consistent for the rest of their days. For others, though, the thought of a life so predictable, so laid out in front of them, is suffocating, depressing and more frightening than any change life might throw their way. They want the challenges and difficulties ahead to be more than just the occasional worn-out washer and dryer, or a truck that finally gives up the ghost and no longer will start, or a pet that dies of old age. They want life to have some excitement, some trials and tribulations, some peaks and valleys along their route. And they don't want to be able to see their future laid out in front of them, with no chance to turn off and discover something new in themselves, in others, in the world they inhabit.
And if the chance arrives for them to jump off this flattened path, to choose a different road, one filled with mountains and valleys and hills and curves, they will gladly take it. They don't want to know everything that lies ahead, they embrace the unknown and the unexpected.
For if that chance does not arrive, or that road turns out to be a dead end and they must turn back, there is no life for them on that plain, on that flat, even road from here to their death. That is no life at all, but mere existence for existence's sake. And who among us wants to reach old age just to prove he/she can do it? Where is the fun in that?
So, from where you stand today, what do you see ahead? More mountains to climb and valleys to explore, or mile after flat and boring mile of plain?
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