All of us are here for such a short time. We want to be shooting stars when mostly what we really are is dandelions. All we're really good for is a little "whine."
As we live out day after day, we ponder, if we take the time, our legacy. What will we leave behind when we go?
Some may think their children are their legacy. But that fails to consider that the children are trying to make their own way in this world and are worried about their legacy. They haven't time to be ours. Besides, do you think of the parents of the people you know whenever you see them? No, you think about whether you like that person or not and whether or not you want to spend any time in their presence. You may think kindly of them, or not, but the odds are neither you nor anyone else they know thanks God, or curses God for their parents.
Some may consider their work to be a lasting legacy. But unless you are today's Rembrandt or Hemingway or Beethoven, or have your name permanently carved into the stone of a monument or building, what you do today will not last. The things you create, the work you do, the labors of your day will fade away faster than fog on a sunny day. Does anyone remember what you did last week, last month? How can you expect them to remember decades after you're gone?
I know you're thinking: He's going to tell us that loving people is our only true legacy.
Nope, I'm not.
Loving people is worthwhile, don't get me wrong, but those relationships, no matter how long or short, will not last a lifetime, let alone beyond. Out of sight, out of mind and heart. Once you're not around them every day, those same people will forget you and move on to other people because, after all, there's an entire world out there begging to be loved. It shouldn't be too hard to find someone else willing to give it a try, even if it isn't quite real love, just a substitute.
The odds are, none of us will leave a legacy of any kind, large or small. We're all just waves, crashing onto the shore of life and dissipating, disappearing as quickly as we arrive, rapidly replaced by yet another wave coming right behind us. Over time, if enough of us crash onto the same spot, something may get changed by erosion, but that is about it. And we will have played a very tiny part in it.
So don't live your life worried about what your legacy will be, because the chances are you won't be leaving one. Live your life today as if today is all you have and don't worry about tomorrow, let alone the years after you're dead. You won't matter then. You matter right now. So make something oof right now for yourself, because you're the only one who notices anyway.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
ON THE DOWN SIDE OF BALANCE
I hope you didn't come here looking for answers, because I have none. Just more questions than I've ever had before in my life.
At one time I'd assumed that time taught us answers and removed some of the questions and doubts from our lives, but that doesn't seem to be the case for me. The longer I live, apparently, the less I really know. Because things I thought I knew when I was younger I now know to be more the hubris of youth than any real and concrete answer to life's nagging and troubling questions.
One thing time has done, however, is erode hope, faith and trust. When I was younger I believed things would get better, that I would get smarter, wiser and more accomplished. I also believed I would eventually find and be with the woman I love, that she was out there in the world somewhere and it was just a matter of finding her. And then not being in such a hurry that I missed the fact that she was the one.
I no longer hold on to such hope or have such faith, nor do I trust that, in time, all of this will make some sense to me and will help me become a better man. No, I have found that hope will linger a long time, but it fades as surely as dark clothes left drying in the sun. And faith grows thinner than a spider's thread when it is all that connects you to her, the woman of your dreams and the love of your life. And where I once trusted there was a reason for all of this, a purpose for everyone and everything, I now think that sometimes we suffer and lose just because, well, someone has to in order to keep everything in balance. That the only reason some of us don't get to be with the one we love is because somewhere else in the world two people who love each other are together. They won, we lost, and the standings have to balance so that for every couple that wins, another couple has to lose. For every person who gets to be with the one they love, there has to be someone who doesn't.
And I get to be one who doesn't.
The difference with me today is that I once used to think that, in time, I was going to get to be one of the winners, that one day I would wind up on the plus side of the ledger of love and life, that this dog, as it were, eventually would have his day. I don't believe that any more. I've come to accept that I always will be on the minus side, that winning simply is not in the cards for me, that this dog, as he is, will always be in the dog house. And nobody, especially the woman of my dreams, has any intention of letting me run free in the sunshine of her love.
But don't listen to me. Because I don't know a thing.
At one time I'd assumed that time taught us answers and removed some of the questions and doubts from our lives, but that doesn't seem to be the case for me. The longer I live, apparently, the less I really know. Because things I thought I knew when I was younger I now know to be more the hubris of youth than any real and concrete answer to life's nagging and troubling questions.
One thing time has done, however, is erode hope, faith and trust. When I was younger I believed things would get better, that I would get smarter, wiser and more accomplished. I also believed I would eventually find and be with the woman I love, that she was out there in the world somewhere and it was just a matter of finding her. And then not being in such a hurry that I missed the fact that she was the one.
I no longer hold on to such hope or have such faith, nor do I trust that, in time, all of this will make some sense to me and will help me become a better man. No, I have found that hope will linger a long time, but it fades as surely as dark clothes left drying in the sun. And faith grows thinner than a spider's thread when it is all that connects you to her, the woman of your dreams and the love of your life. And where I once trusted there was a reason for all of this, a purpose for everyone and everything, I now think that sometimes we suffer and lose just because, well, someone has to in order to keep everything in balance. That the only reason some of us don't get to be with the one we love is because somewhere else in the world two people who love each other are together. They won, we lost, and the standings have to balance so that for every couple that wins, another couple has to lose. For every person who gets to be with the one they love, there has to be someone who doesn't.
And I get to be one who doesn't.
The difference with me today is that I once used to think that, in time, I was going to get to be one of the winners, that one day I would wind up on the plus side of the ledger of love and life, that this dog, as it were, eventually would have his day. I don't believe that any more. I've come to accept that I always will be on the minus side, that winning simply is not in the cards for me, that this dog, as he is, will always be in the dog house. And nobody, especially the woman of my dreams, has any intention of letting me run free in the sunshine of her love.
But don't listen to me. Because I don't know a thing.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
THINGS IN COMMON
When you choose a friend, do you choose someone completely different than you? Or do you tend to gravitate towards those with whom you share some common interests and maybe viewpoints?
Naturally, we tend to befriend those with whom we have at least some shared interests.
So why do we tend to wed people with whom we share few, if any, interests? Do we realy hope to build a life of common interests, discovered together? That is, I admit, a possibility. But is it not even more true that people with at least some shared interests are more likely to find something more in common thatn two people who have no foundation at the start?
I don't want to spend my life with someone exactly like me. That would be utterly boring. I do, however, want to spend my days with someone who shares some interests with me but who also will expose me to new things, new ideas, new insights and with whom I can discover things that we both enjoy. And maybe some things we both agree we don't like.
I want both a lover and a companion. And yet first we must be friends. I truly think the very best marriages I know are those between people who truly are each other's best friends. These are people who sometimes were friends first before they became lovers. And while I had often thought it impossible for a friend to turn into a lover, I now think that such a miracle can occur. And it is a miracle we should all seek.
For when the passions cool, as they will in time, and life takes on its daily routine, who would you rather be with? Someone you hardly know with whom you share few or no interests? Or a best friend with whom you can sit and talk, do things together and know that she is having just as much fun at it as you are?
I choose the latter. To me that is the only kind of relationship that truly lasts.
Naturally, we tend to befriend those with whom we have at least some shared interests.
So why do we tend to wed people with whom we share few, if any, interests? Do we realy hope to build a life of common interests, discovered together? That is, I admit, a possibility. But is it not even more true that people with at least some shared interests are more likely to find something more in common thatn two people who have no foundation at the start?
I don't want to spend my life with someone exactly like me. That would be utterly boring. I do, however, want to spend my days with someone who shares some interests with me but who also will expose me to new things, new ideas, new insights and with whom I can discover things that we both enjoy. And maybe some things we both agree we don't like.
I want both a lover and a companion. And yet first we must be friends. I truly think the very best marriages I know are those between people who truly are each other's best friends. These are people who sometimes were friends first before they became lovers. And while I had often thought it impossible for a friend to turn into a lover, I now think that such a miracle can occur. And it is a miracle we should all seek.
For when the passions cool, as they will in time, and life takes on its daily routine, who would you rather be with? Someone you hardly know with whom you share few or no interests? Or a best friend with whom you can sit and talk, do things together and know that she is having just as much fun at it as you are?
I choose the latter. To me that is the only kind of relationship that truly lasts.
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